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how to make Your marriage work Out Successful
Making a successful marriage requires building a deep friendship, managing conflict well, and keeping a high ratio of positive interactions.
Dr. John Gottman outlined seven core research-based principles in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work to help couples build lasting relationships.
The Seven Principles
Enhance your love maps: Learn the details of your partner’s life, including their stress, joys, hopes, and history.
Nurture fondness and admiration: Cultivate a culture of appreciation and respect by actively reminding yourself of your partner’s positive qualities.
Turn toward each other: Acknowledge your partner’s daily emotional bids or requests for connection instead of turning away.
Let your partner influence you: Share power and respect your partner’s perspective during decision-making.
Solve your solvable problems: Start discussions gently, make repair attempts during arguments, and compromise.
Overcome gridlock: Respect each other’s deepest underlying dreams when dealing with perpetual, recurring conflicts.
Create shared meaning: Build a shared inner life together through rituals, shared goals, and aligned values
Avoiding the Four Horsemen
Gottman’s research shows that four negative communication styles predict divorce if left unchecked
Criticism: Attacking your partner’s character rather than addressing a specific behavior.
Contempt: Treating your partner with disrespect, mockery, or sarcasm.
Defensiveness: Playing the victim or making excuses during a disagreement.
Stonewalling: Completely withdrawing or tuning out from the interaction.